Quality
Or, how many words did you write this year?
My favorite 1000-word quips were written in a few moments when a particular kind of clarity swarms me, and something I had been thinking of orgasms from my fingertips in one cohesive thought. It takes longer to edit the thing, exponentially longer, but the bones were there. I'm curious where that's gone over the past few months. I always have thoughts that become coherent, but the expressive venue seems to have changed. My day job has been sucking my energy over the past few weeks, and I worry that I haven't done enough over the whole summer/fall season because of it.
I began a rough calculation of the word count I've written over the past few months and realized I'm seeing my worth in the number of words I've strung together again. Sometimes, I call it my American blood, that drive to always be doing bigger and better things. When I say to others, "I got about 60,000 words into the thing and realized I wrote a hot pile of shit," I preempt the impressed look which inevitably flashes over my listener's eyes. People hear of the quantity, and it becomes the thing that really gets them riled up, even with self-deprecation! More, I say! I love that feeling!
But alas, 60,000 words of shit, is shit. Sure, my postmodern, drug-fueled, cyberpunk novel lacking at least 1000 periods could find a niche audience somewhere, but I can hardly read it! So, why is it the 60,000 words feel so good? I'd much rather write five unforgettable words than slap a reem of paper on the table while trying to convince my friends to read it. Their positive impression of how I can pound keys with my fingers millions of times will be brief.
Here's the word count any way: a 7,000-word commentary on Jung's autobiography, 5,000 more words into my Hasidah story, 10,000 words in journal entries, and some odds and ends posted on Substack. Not bad, "if I focused all that energy into one project, I'd be pretty far along," I tell myself. But would I have anything more than that? Those thoughts pushing me towards a production mindset are quickly swept away, but I still feel them. Sometimes, those hyper-productive thoughts cause pain; I feel like I will be left behind, my work won't reach enough people, etc, etc.. Maybe it's a capitalistic influence or human nature, but indeed, we've all been there.
Quality is the antidote.
That's all,
Goodnight.